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The Secret Guide to How Secrets Shape Our Lives

Psst! Can you keep a secret? The way we perceive our innermost thoughts—the ones we rarely share, if at all—is often more powerful than the secrets themselves. Here’s how to use that to your advantage.

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In partnership with
Grown Podcast

What does a secret feel like in your body? If it’s a fun one, it’s a fizzy excitement, one fueling extra smiles and the anticipation of a big reveal—a surprise party, a new relationship, a pregnancy announcement.

But then there are the darker ones—secrets steeped in guilt or shame, ones that feel heavy in your stomach and quicken your heart. The ones that you keep for fear of being found out as a worse version of yourself. These can make you physically sick, and carry the power to influence your actions, often in negative ways, in order to keep them close. By that same logic, they’re the secrets you have the most to gain from sharing.

With so many forces at play, secrets have become one of the most fascinating ways to explore our relationships with ourselves, our friends, and surprisingly, strangers. In the season finale of Grown, The Moth’s podcast all about the challenges and joys of growing up, their team investigates the way we interact with our secrets, from diary entries to anonymous confessions. Check out the episode, launching May 3, as well as our collection of stories that delve into the science of secrets, what we can learn from the most secretive professionals, and how to delineate between secrecy and privacy.

Image by Denis Novikov / Getty Images

From our partners

Secrets: Diaries, Twilight, and Prom [LISTEN]

Grown
The Moth

Shhhhh. In this episode, Fonzo and Aleeza spill the tea. Shania tells us about getting her sibling ready for a dance, and Tim Manley’s love takes on a physical form. Plus, we step out into NYC to hear some secrets, and Aleeza reads excerpts from her diary. (Yes, there’s Twilight involved.)

Why We Tell Strangers Our Secrets

Oliver Burkeman
The Guardian

‘Sometimes we seek out non-intimates precisely because they’re non-intimate. For one thing, you’re not going to discuss your extramarital affair with your spouse.’