Self Improvement

Susanna Abse is the marriage counsellor’s marriage counsellor – 30 years in practice giving her peerless insights into the challenges couples face without making any dent in her curiosity and originality.

Narcissists are one of the most challenging personalities to be around. Unfortunately, some of the most common narcissistic traits — grandiosity, superiority, entitlement and a lack of empathy — have been on the rise in recent years.

Those in monogamous relationships might be hard-pressed to imagine their lover’s lover as their friend, but it’s not unusual for people in polyamorous or other types of consensually non-monogamous relationships to navigate these kinds of relations.

Do you ever feel like your emotions are all over the place? Like your moods ping-pong around erratically and unpredictably? If so, you probably wish you could feel a little less at the mercy of external events — able to stay cool and keep your calm no matter what was happening.

This column first ran in John Paul Brammer’s Hola Papi newsletter, which you can subscribe to on Substack.

We all love a 4.0 grade point average, a complete winning record for the season, or a flawless performance review at the end of the year. Perfection makes us feel comfortable and safe. Growing up as a Taiwanese American, I often found myself struggling with perfectionism.

When it comes to self-improvement and that ever elusive sense of self-love, many rush to think of all the things they should start doing for a better, healthier routine—but rarely think about tendencies they can stop for their immediate wellbeing.

The more you learn, the smarter you become, right? If you want to build your tree of knowledge, the process of learning matters more than the content. And contrary to how we were taught in school, that process is deliberate, not passive.

Early on in a new job, I made the horrifying discovery that my Notes app and the to-do lists I kept there had unwittingly synced with my co-workers’ apps and their to-do lists. Among the findings: Someone was grocery shopping for lasagna and someone else was outlining a murder-mystery plot.

Stress is a natural response to uncertainty, and it's normal to find yourself worrying about future events every now and then. But excessive thoughts about the future can be a sign of anticipatory anxiety — a fear of unpredictable future events, which is sometimes a symptom of anxiety disorders.

Displaying authentic charm is easier than you think. Watching charm in action is like watching a good dancer. There’s style, control, and an effortless rhythm. That charming, likable person seemingly knows the right thing to say and do at the right moment.

As a psychologist, I work with a lot of people who want to improve their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence comes from consistent habits, not inspiring ideas.

For when you need advice that goes beyond “Be Danish."

You are a victim. A person of anxious experience, navigating a minefield of shame triggers. Research suggests that people with your attachment style are predisposed to dissociating. Some experts believe this very sentence could re-traumatize you. It’s not your fault, of course.

In her new book, Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist, delves into romance, loss and human connection as she writes of her love story with her husband. Can we do without love? For many years, the neuroscientist Stephanie Ortigue believed that the answer was yes.